Pushing Through the Impasse with Laughter

I'm feeling some kind of way today.  I tried to get into my old blog on Blogspot, but I don't remember the login.  So, I'm starting anew.  In my 2011 Blogspot blog, I was The Purple Rose, later I blogged as Urban Edu Coach.  I am still those people but I dropping the pen names.  Pieces of me are still those women. I was at an impasse when I wrote those blogs.  I pushed my way through my writing.  

I thought I was at another impasse in life, but on second thought, I'm not really.  An impasse is a predicament that I would need to escape.  I'm not in a predicament, so I don't need to escape.  The word impasse means deadlock;  I'm not deadlocked, and I'm not bored I can always find something to do whether it be cooking, cleaning, crafting, reading, watching a good movie, or simply meditating.   I know my next steps.  I know my next direction.  So, what is happening with me right now?  Honestly, I think my problem is that I lack companionship.  When I say I lack companionship I don't necessarily mean a romantic partner, thought that would be really awesome.  I mean a peer group, face to face contact, time with my sisters, a good sisterhood meeting where we are praying and planning, even back and forth posts and discussion with online friends headed in the same direction.  

During this period of Covid 19 stay at home mandates, I miss socialization.  I feel like I am being attached to my core. I am not homeless so, I am able to shelter in place comfortably.  I should be grateful that I am not highly exposed o the dangers of this virus.  I have access to running water.  I am not a refugee or displaced person and I do not stand to suffer disproportionately both from the pandemic and whatever its aftermath will be.  I am not among the unemployed.  I don’t think I have increased xenophobia or health issues. My mind is very active, maybe a bit overactive, and my mobility is limited because I work on the computer most days for hours upon hours on end.  This is a problem I can remedy by getting my butt up and going for a walk every day.  Oh no!  I'm getting lazy! I was never lazy before!  I feel nervous quivers in the pit of my stomach yet nothing is wrong.  I have a bit of an eye strain after teaching live on Zoom all day and answering numerous emails from students and committees.  I want to go to a meeting.  I want to organize a sisterhood.  I want to go to Bible class and praise God with a group of people, make some noise, clap my hands, stomp my feet, and listen to testimonies about how God has blessed people.  My joints are a little stiff from sitting down at the computer all day.  I have to remind myself to move.  

That's it!  This is my impasse!  But, how do I escape?  How do I cross the deadlock?   Honestly, I don't know yet.  I thought I would start this blog to see if I can write my way through it.  I'm starting with gratitude, but I need to also get a good laugh in.  I need to turn the corners of my mouth up into a smile and find something to laugh about.  Something happens in the body when we laugh.  Endorphins are released, happy juice is dispensed through the body.   I can force a smile, but how does one force laughter.  I feel like once I can manage a chuckle I can manage a deep laugh.  My muscles will become less tense and I will feel more relaxed and resistant to these feelings I’m having and more resilient and emotionally strong.   Oh, what natural wonders laughter brings.  I know, I need someone to tickle me.  Darn it, that would call for companionship and here I am back to the darn impasse of the worse thing about Covid 19, social distancing to the point of lack of companionship. 

Let me find a funny movie!  This devil will now take hold of me! I will win!  I will laugh!  



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